2025

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. I'm not the type who journals or writes a lot, though some friends say I have a different style (pretty ironic). Sometimes I think I should write more about tech or something, so I can unlock more connections (LinkedIn is down the hall and to the left), opportunities, etc. Yet, for some reason, I decided that my personal shehabadel.com would be free from work, or maybe, if I decide to dump my almighty opinion on something, it shall be here.

My memory is blurry, and I can't recall everything in detail. I'm looking at the photos and videos I took to remember what happened while I'm writing this now.

I mean, this year started weirdly. Two months into a new company, and I was completely losing it just two weeks into the year. Nobody told me it was going to be this chaotic.

One day in mid-January, I was having a conversation with a colleague, and I was like, “I can't do this anymore. Seriously. One more day of this, and I'll stay home and be done with this career.”

I have never regretted a decision I made in my life, but guys, seriously, this one was different. It was really exhausting and stressful, and it affected a lot of things for me moving forward. Despite the fact that there are a lot of great people there, I think that maybe if I had joined at a different time, things could have been different. Just like that type of crap: “I wish we had met at different times in our lives…”

Then the first of February came, and I was like, let's solo-travel for the first time ever, to somewhere I've never been before. I'm not gonna lie, I never expected it to be this fun. Getting to know completely new people, meeting friends coincidentally in the same place, having conversations you never expected to have with people you never expected to meet, etc.

Getting sunburnt in mid-February was pretty ironic (and really painful), especially since the temperature was sometimes around 0°C. But you know what was more painful? Coming back home from a 10/10 vacation and falling back into the same loophole once again.

Maybe the only thing I learnt about myself here is that chaos drains me more than difficulty, a lot more...

March came, and I returned to college for a new semester. This time, the students were less of a pain in the back, and it actually felt really awesome seeing people who were committed and dedicated to what I was teaching. Messages like, “Dude, this stuff is really cool, and it helped me a lot,” felt really different.

What made this semester especially different was that these students seemed to actually know what they wanted to do with their careers and goals. They were also a bit more bonded together, which is something I wish my own class had been.

Then came an offer from my current workplace. Honestly, I had never felt so relieved in my life. God's plans, I guess. Looking back now while writing this, I realize that I am exactly where I was praying to be, and even better. Who would have thought? I do not want to sound cliché and say “trust the process,” but seriously, we should trust timing more. Reality check: it does not always work, and it does not mean everything will make sense. Still, it reminded me that when you are stressed, you rarely see the full picture.

April arrived, and I started wearing fewer layers. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I get cold really easily, especially in my fingers, which is why I almost always wear gloves.

You know how tiny victories show up when you least expect them, and suddenly you feel like you are on top of the world? It sounds vague here, and honestly, it is. But out of respect for the person involved, I cannot really talk about it. What I can say is how it made me feel. In that moment, it felt like I finally received an apology that I should have gotten a long time ago. Even though time had passed and I had almost forgotten about it, it felt like a burden was lifted off my chest.

I would say that this period of time was quiet. It was not loud happiness, but for once, it felt like things were falling into place instead of falling apart, and I got enough space to keep going.

I felt like I could finally take a breath.

As May came around, it had been a few weeks since I started at my current workplace. Around that time, I unexpectedly had to undergo a medical operation. Honestly, I was not afraid or worried. Or maybe I had simply become better at accepting the things I could not control. What mattered more was that I was not alone through it. My family and friends were there, and I was able to get through it.

If it showed anything, it showed that there was a strong support system around me, and that, I did not have to carry everything on my own.

You know that Jerry (the mouse) on a blanket in front of the beach that I always post? That was me this summer.

I cannot really recall anything major happening this summer. Looking back at June, July, and August, all I remember are the vacations I went on with friends. They were a lot of fun, not gonna lie. Work was going really well too, and I felt like I was actually growing there in different ways. That mattered a lot to me.

After how heavy the earlier months were, this kind of quiet felt unfamiliar, but welcome.

One day, you wake up and find out that one of your close friends is getting married. You act cool about it until the moment they officially tie the knot, and then you start reflecting on the good days you spent together through school, college, and everything in between.

It feels strange how time has passed. Like, man, we were just sitting next to each other in class a couple of months ago, at least conceptually, and now you are getting married. That realization hits harder than expected.

I get emotional when I think about it. Part of it is realizing that we are not young anymore. I am 26 now, and that age suddenly feels heavier. Not dramatic, just real. Adulthood no longer feels theoretical.

I am not afraid of responsibility. I am actually living the dream in this period of my life. What unsettles me is the possibility of never fully becoming what I know I can be, of ending up as someone who only had potential.

By late October, things started to dip again. It felt like the downward part of a rollercoaster. Putting so much effort into something, only to slowly realize it might be heading in the wrong direction, hits hard. That realization was not just limited to work, it applied to people, choices, and expectations as well, but I am always over all of that.

You always feel like you embrace career growth and change, but holy. How much character development is it gonna take? I am not going to lie, this Autumn was really tough across work, it passed as everything does, but it has changed my perspective through a lot of things differently.

This year has been rough. I am sure I forgot to mention some major events here, but are they really major if I forgot about them? I also stopped trying so hard with New Year's resolutions. Who am I trying to impress? If a to do list is not checked, I get depressed, so why set myself up from the beginning? Turns out I am happier with normal, unforced character development.

I think Autumn left me with fewer answers, but better questions. And maybe that is enough for now.